secretly writing this at work. secretly because my desk faces window, alors computer faces EVERYONE. makes me anxious, but mostly i don't care. tout le monde's at luncheroonie, and i'm sitting here having polished off my sammich of [fake] ham and [real] cheese on an english muffin. (i really have nothing to say.)

plans in the works for visit to the alma mater, post-valentine's day. why am i nervous?

called the dentiste in my old/original hometown to make an appt. for my 6 mo. cleaning which i LOVE--come out of there glowing from the compliments on my flossing, and the fluoride--and the receptionista is my 1st-5th grade bff [gab]'s mother, and she is a handful. cherry red hair, talks hind legs off tons of things. and so we set up my appt., and then she was like, 'so, how's things? emilie got engaged last month, i think for her birthday, you know, in december, and gab was like, "she's out of her mind," rabble rabble gossip...'

emilie was in playgroup with me when i was a bebe, like, only-child-bebe. haven't seen her in utterly forever--10 years? half my life?--but still freaks me out that someone i've known since our illiterate, pre-potty days is becoming legally bound to someone else.

The past few days at work have sent me into an existential funk, the worst of all the funks. I get this way once a month or so.

Those are utterly awful days.

I'm trying to focus on the positive.

In other news, ran into Alexandra Delyle on the subway at 8:30 in the morning yesterday. Felt a firm, comforting hand on my shoulder and turned to see those familiar dark-rimmed glasses. Was slightly stunned (mostly because it was 8:30), but delighted, as always. Hey Alex!

Thursday is one of my tutoring nights. Julia and I work on her "high frequency words," which are basically flash cards with the basics: you, it, they, where, etc. She keeps it interesting by telling a story with the words. "FATHER, I'm down HERE, injured! My FRIEND is in the orphanage. She DOES want to come over, because I'm injured. There is NEVER any hope." It was all very Thomas Hardy. Julia of the d'Urbervilles.

You're a part-time lover and a full-time friend. The monkey on your back is the latest trend.

Oh hell, January, where have you gone? You are utterly one of my least favorite months, but you're a slippery little bugger this year. Warm, and then super freezing--bizarre days in which I saw lightning strike the spike of the Empire State Building, and got trapped in Hoboken because of frozen trains, respectively--busy, and then completely, deliciously lackadaisical. If you weren't a capricorn, January, I'd swear you were a gemini comme moi.

My resolution(s) is a gradual builder, I've decided. A crescendo, if you will. The opposite of a peter-out. 2008's been good so far, actually. Got my first book to edit (practice edit, mind you--my editor boss has the final say-so), have a non-date on Saturday with my semi-friend/old editor whom I haven't seen since freshman year of college (I honestly have no idea what's going on), AND I am officially a writer.

No, I wasn't published (don't be fooled), I was rejected! By MCSWEENEYS!!! It was thrilling, in a way.

And I can't not mention it: Heath Ledger! Utterly shocking. Totally thought it was a bad rumor. Refused to believe it until it was confirmed in some furious texting betwixt myself and mini-sister. But what's with the implication of Mary-Kate? Odd.

And the death of another man who has nothing to do with HL other than my distant, slightly disturbing crushes on them both: Bobby Fischer. I instantly went out and rented 'Searching for Bobby Fischer.' Always wanted to play chess in Washington Sq. Park.

It's been quite a month.

There's a security guard in the lobby at work, and he's foreign, maybe Italian. Every morning, instead of "Good morning," he says, "Mornings," to everyone that passes.

Mornings.

Short week made shorter by that freakishly cold Thursday. I couldn't believe my luck.

My train to Hoboken was not only late, it was overcrowded because trains to Penn Station were all wonky and frozen. And THEN, when we finally got to Hoboken, they were making announcements that the PATH system was suspended (apparently there was a fire--immediately made me picture a group of hobos huddled around some kettle-drum fire deep in the bowels of the PATH), and like that, !, the line for the ferry was out the station door. Literally. Hundreds of people long. I waited an hour and finally got a hold of my boss, who was just like, "Pff, go home," and I was like, "OKAY!" and so I hopped on a Gladstone train, got Dunkin' Donuts with my sister, and spent the afternoon returning an apron to William Sonoma, and writing. It was gorgeous.

Iowa caucaussesses have me all turned round. No idea who I would vote for. Hillary is like the intimidating aunt that's always pressing you about your personal life. Obama is like the class president in college who's so into it, you kind of resent him. Edwards is okay, but too shiny. (The hours of reading that've gone into this analysis really show, don't they?) Completely glad I live in NJ and don't have to think about it for another 11 months.

Tomorrow the miniature sister and I are seeing 'Juno' for the second time, first together. We've already spent many an afternoon standing around in the kitchen going, "WHOA dream big," and "Yeahhhh, I think I'm gonna nip it in the bud, because you know, I've heard pregnancy can lead to infants." And I totally bought Michael Cera and Ellen Page's version of "Anyone Else But You" off iTunes and listen to it whenever the mood strikes, which is utterly often.

I kind of completely want to be Juno's best friend.

Okay. Let's do this.

Hello, 2008!

You are brand spanking new--I haven't even eaten lunch yet!--and I've decided you are mine. You are my year. 2007 was full of endings and beginnings. Too many important milestones, not enough raw fun/full-throated decision-making on my part, independent of society's/my parents' expectations, that is. 2008, it's just you and me. We shall sculpt my tiny, pristine Zen desk calendar (gift from the Yangs) into a chef d'oeuvre of events and well-rounded seasons. There will be dates! And adventures! And weekend mini-breaks! And move-in dates! And a half-marathon in May, and my 23rd birthday in June (choke, cough, sputter), and friends, friends, friends out the wazoo. 2008, together, we will make you an extravaganza.

And just like that, I'm being booted off the computer so that my father can transfer money or some such. Utterly ironic, but not at all indicative, whatsoever, of 2008, my dahling, my pumpernickel.